UBA: sir, your picture is faint on our computer.

It was last Friday to be precise, I was at the UBA to followup my ATM card issue – previous post for which a solution has not been found. According to the ATM guy, he has scanned the complaint form I filled and had sent it via email, but there has been no reply.

I said ok, and went to fall in line on the queue to get some cash with my passbook. There were like 22-people on the line. An hour and 20-minutes later, I was at the front of the line, awaiting to hear ‘next customer‘. The call finally came and I went in the direction of the calling UBA staff.

Submitting my passbook, she looked at it with a ‘one-kind‘ eye and then punched some keys on her keyboard. She then tore the slip and asked me to supply my address and phone-number at the back of the withdrawal slip, which I promptly did.

The next gbosa she gave me was: Sir, your picture is faint on our computer.

Tux: picture is faint?…I looked at my back just to be sure I was the one she was talking to…..and then continued: ‘picture is faint? which picture’?

UBA lady: sir, I said the picture on your mandate is faint. I cannot see the picture.

before I knew what was happening, she has called: ‘next customer pls’. I took my time to glance back and tell the approaching person to hold on a minute.

Tux: excuse me, what do you mean my picture is faint. You don’t even have the patience to tell me what the problem is, and you are calling ‘next customer’ as if I was bothering you.

UBA lady: yes sir, I said your picture is faint. I can’t see your picture on my computer, so I can’t process your withdrawal.

Tux: wait, wait, wait. How can my picture be faint on your computer? This is not my first time of withdrawing at this your branch.

UBA lady: I said your picture is faint. Do you understand ‘faint’, besides you have to update your mandate. The address in our computer is an Abuja address, and now you say you are living in Lagos.

Tux: Na wah for you people o. See me see trouble. No I don’t understand faint. When you store a picture as a file on a computer, does it get ‘faint’ over time? See, let me tell you the problem: it is like you the one going blind little by little, or your computer that has a problem, but for you to sit down there and tell me that my picture is faint, I’m an engineer if you wanted to know. By now, two other customers were interested in the issue at hand.

UBA lady: sir, please go and update your mandate from the branch where you opened the account and the issue will be resolved.

by now, I was totally pissed.

Tux: update what? you are not a serious person o, let me tell you the truth. You are not a serious person. So today is the day you just noticed that my picture is faint in your computer. At the same time, you just noticed that my mandate has an Abuja address. Then you are advising me to go to Abuja and update my mandate. You are not a serious person.

I still made a withdrawal last week at this same branch. Is it not the same picture and mandate your other staff looked at, and used to process my withdrawal? Check my last withdrawal date and then tell me what happened between last week and this week. Check my records. Can you see that I opened the account as a Corper in Abuja? so I should go to Abuja today and update my mandate? Are you ok at all? Are you sick? I’ve spent one and a half hours on this line and now you are telling me to go to Abuja. When I come and deposit money into the account, why don’t you people tell me about a mandate and a faint picture? what on earth are you telling me? Are your computers connected to your Abuja office? is this an I.T environment at all? See, I am not leaving here until I make a withdrawal and besides, I want to see the branch manager. You people don’t know where you are going. You are just pissing me off………

by now, a much elderly woman(staff) approached and was calming me down. She asked me what the issue was and I explained to her all over again. She now went to the lady at the counter’s table and showed her what she should be looking at. The useless woman on seat had been looking at the wrong information after all. The elderly UBA staff then took my passbook and went to a guy sitting behind a computer and asked me to come over to sort things out.

The long and short of the story is:
– that the UBA had been deducting some charges regularly from my account because the account is still as NYSC-account even after the service year.
– that such charges are not deducted from a regular savings account.

p.s: I quickly did a mental mathematics of how much the UBA would be deducting from thousands of people’s accounts – which are still Corper accounts and have not been converted to regular savings accounts.

I was advised to open a new savings account with my current information(madate etc), transfer all my dough from the former into the new savings account, leaving a minimum balance of NGN1,000.00(one thousand Naira), and that I can only close the corper account at the branch at which it was opened: Abuja.

I have since opened a new savings account, although I don’t really believe this is the solution to the problem at hand. I feel these peeps are just eager to open new accounts, perhaps they get some perks from the higher ups for the number of new accounts opened on a daily basis.

For the many brothers and sisters who still have Corper accounts at UBA, the bank might just be ripping you off if your accounts have not been converted to regular savings account. Much more, if your picture is as faint as mine.


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3 responses

  1. yeah i used UBA too during my service year. but leave matter abeg, i finally had the courage to tear up my pass book and break my ATM card some weeks back. Intercontinental is my bank of choice. GTB and Bank PHB also catch my eye.

  2. UBA is widely acclaimed to be one of the worst banks in Nigeria. I’m talking about what I have read from various UBA customers.

  3. Sir , is there a way i can unlock my atm card pin.

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